All I Ever Wanted
by magickell
Summary: First Suits fic. A twist of fate makes Harvey re-think everything.


_My very first Suits fic. It's a oneshot and since I have not seen __**all**__ episodes, hopefully this is not too OOC. This is also AU to a certain extent so it gives me some artistic freedom._

_P.S. I don't believe in not giving my favorite characters happy endings because TV writers usually do that for us, so don't freak out during the first half. I promise it goes somewhere good._

Harvey Specter stared out his huge glass window, gazing out over the scurrying masses of New York City, not seeing a thing. Not caring about a thing. He was numb. His vibrant, wicked brain was frozen. His heart, the one even he sometimes wondered if he still had, was in pieces. He wondered if he could actually feel his soul dying, too. Is that what this feeling of numbness was?

He had everything he'd ever wanted. He was successful, wealthy and the senior partner of one of the best, most respected law firms in the state of New York, which was soon to be called Pearson Specter. His name would soon be on the wall, on the  
letterhead, on every piece of documentation sent out to their wealthy clients and pro-bono cases taken on mostly for tax purposes and good PR.

Harvey could admit only to Donna that some of those pro bono cases mattered more to him than the ones that netted him millions.

He should have been ecstatic, as behind him, he heard the whirl of a drill as _Hardman _was removed from the wall.

He _had_ been ecstatic. He and Donna had accomplished everything they'd set out to do. Countless sleepless nights, massive migraines from staring at reams of documents all day, lost weekends, broken relationships, estranged friendships, even alienated familial relations. All for them to get to this moment.

And where was she? She should have been beside him as they removed that bastard's name from the wall and replaced it with his. It was where she belonged, where she had always belonged: right beside him.

Instead… his gaze flickered to the TV on the wall behind him. Images of charred wreckage and broken trees, flames shooting up into the sky and the desperate battle of the firefighters to put it out, seared into his brain.

How could it have ended like this? How could _they_ have ended like this? How could _he_end like this? Because his life ended just as surely as hers had, in those final, undoubtedly terrifying moments before her plane plunged into the dark trees in Pennsylvania.

This was not how it was supposed to be. He'd always pictured this moment would be the time when he could finally let loose of everything he'd ever wanted to say, everything he'd ever wanted to do with her, to her. This would be their moment of pure triumph, their moment to acknowledge everything they had sacrificed and do everything they could to get back, at least with each other, all that they had denied themselves and each other for over a decade.

He thought of those ten plus years and winced. So much time, he thought numbly, swallowing the lump in this throat that was in  
danger of choking him. So much time wasted. And for what?

For his name on the wall. For power. For money. For prestige. "What a fucking waste," he whispered. "Oh, God, Donna." He buried his face in his hands.

"Harvey?"

The soft voice brought his head around and up but his gaze landed on the TV, not on the grief-stricken Mike standing before him. Harvey tried to look away from the images flickering on his TV screen. He wanted to turn it off, desperately wanted to get those images out of his sight. Donna was somewhere in that charred wreckage, in those flames.

No longer recognizable, he thought as he choked back tears and bile, unable to tear his gaze away from that horrific scene. That gorgeous red hair no longer shone brightly. That beautiful porcelain skin…

He lurched toward his waste basket and gagged, but nothing would come. He'd already thrown up several times since Mike had come running into his office, eyes wild and already sparkling with tears, and a grim Jessica behind him.

Their soft words echoed in his head.

Donna's flight had gone down in Pennsylvania. There were no survivors. They'd announced the flight number and airline on the news and Rachel had gone to Mike first when she realized that it was Donna's flight. They'd come to give the horrific news as a united front to tell the stoic, ruthless man they knew would be left a devastated shell of what he had once been.

"Harvey. God, man, I'm…" Mike just shook his head. _"I'm sorry" _was inadequate for the level of pain this man before him was dealing with.

Harvey wiped his mouth, grabbed a bottle of water and spit into the trash can.

"I need… I should call her parents." He barely recognized his own voice.

"Not yet, dude. Just… give yourself some time. Or I can call them. Or Jessica. Or the police or whatever will notify next of kin or emergency contact. She—"

"I was her emergency contact. They haven't contacted me yet. I had to hear it on the goddamn news. They need to  
know. I need… I should call them. Before they see this…"

A throat cleared behind Mike, who had deliberately moved to block the images on the TV from Harvey's sight.

Harvey stared with dead eyes at Lois Litt, who stood in his doorway, tie askew and his face a mask of misery.

"Harvey… I know we've had our differences. But I adored Donna. And I am so, so sorry. If there's anything I can do…" Lois's dark eyes glistened.

Harvey swallowed. "Thank you. But there's nothing." Harvey buried his face in his hands again. "I have nothing. Nothing without her."

Lois walked away before anyone could see the tears spilling down his cheeks.

The office hummed with hushed whispers, the mood somber and dark. Rachel walked past Harvey's office, glancing in with concern at the two handsome men who simply sat and stared at nothing. She brushed her cheeks free of tears and forced herself to go back to her cubicle. There was nothing she could do for either of them. She wasn't Donna. Donna would know what to say, how to say it, to ease some of their grief. But she was gone.

Jessica gave her a somber nod as they passed each other, then went sheet white as she stared at something behind Rachel.  
Rachel whirled to see what could possibly have shaken their cold-as-ice boss and gasped.

A vision in jade green walked toward her and for a crazy moment, Rachel thought she might faint. Donna Paulsen gave her a  
mocking smile. "What's wrong with you, girl? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Donna's smile faded when she caught sight of Jessica also staring at her, then realized everyone was staring at her and the  
usually busy law office had come to a complete and silent standstill.

"Jesus. Do I have something on my face or what? Look, guys, I just got off the worst flight ever so—"

Rachel burst into tears.

"Oh, my God!" Shock and discomfort crossed Donna's features. She hated dealing with weeping women, especially when she had no idea what was behind it. How could she fix it if she didn't know what the problem was?

Donna patted Rachel's arm. "Okay, sweetie. You have another fight with Mike?"

"Oh, my God." Lois dropped a stack of papers and launched himself at her. Donna gave him an awkward pat and hoped Harvey didn't see this. He'd never let her live it down. And she and Lois were going to have to have a  
very serious discussion on violating personal space.

"Okay. Okay, Lois. Get hold of yourself. I've been gone, like, two days. Relax."

Lois cleared his throat and backed away. "My God. It's… a miracle."

Donna stared at him. "Lois, I know it's been a rough few days for the firm, but maybe you need to go, you know, see your shrink. Or take an hour to pet your cat or something."

"Oh, Donna. You have no idea how glad we are to see you. Or how confused. I take it you were not on your scheduled flight?" Jessica's usually calm, cool voice shook just a little.

Donna's stomach began to churn as excited chatter erupted around her.

"Um… yeah. Sorry I'm late. My cab in Philly got into a fender bender on the way to the airport and I missed my flight. Then that was delayed and we circled JFK for like an hour. I was about to go crazy and I stupidly didn't think to charge my phone because I thought I'd be home by now. Jessica, what the hell is going on?"

Jessica patted her arm with genuine affection. "Well, it looks like we've received two miracles today. Hardman's name is being taken off the wall and being replaced by Harvey's and you, my dear, are alive and well. This calls for a celebration. A big one."

"Excuse me?" Donna didn't know what to address first. She was disappointed she hadn't been here to crack open the champagne and watch Hardman's name being removed but Jessica's last statement…

"Why wouldn't I be alive and well?"

Jessica didn't pull any punches, not that Donna expected her to. "The flight you were supposed to be on crashed into a forest of trees in Pennsylvania. There were no survivors. This firm has been in mourning—one man in particular—for the last forty-two minutes. You should go to Harvey right now. He's… broken, Donna. He's been broken for forty-two minutes and  
counting. So I suggest you hustle—"

Jessica was speaking to Donna's back as she raced toward Harvey's office on pencil-thin heels.

Nodding with satisfaction, unwilling to admit how shaky her own stomach was, Jessica pierced the chattering lawyers with a dark look. "Okay, everyone. The soap opera hour is over. Back to work."

She and Lois exchanged relieved smiles and both went happily to their respective offices.

Donna came to a halt in the doorway. Her two boys, as she liked to think of them, were both staring out the window. Harvey sat slumped in his chair, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking. Mike stood with his hands shoved in his pockets, head down, his right leg jiggling frantically. Probably trying desperately not to light up the joint he had in his pocket, she thought with a maternal shake of her head.

She took a deep breath. She had no idea what the next few minutes were going to bring, but she had a feeling her life was about to change. She'd almost died today, apparently. Her life _would_ change, she thought as she stared at the back of Harvey's unusually unkempt head. He'd been running his hands through his hair. He only lost control enough to do that when he was truly upset.

"Well. It's gratifying to see my death would be met with the appropriate amount of copious tears. You boys need some tissue?"

Harvey and Mike went still, then whirled to stare at her.

"Dude…" Mike stared at her out of red-rimmed eyes. "Harvey, are you seeing this? I'm not… I swear I haven't been smoking. I mean not today. Yet."

"Donna…?" Harvey whispered, staring at her out of dark, devastated eyes.

That one look melted her heart. She smiled at him.

"So my cab got into a fender bender on the way to the Philly airport. I will never, ever make fun of Philly cab drivers again."

Mike braced his hand on the ledge behind him, missed and knocked one of Harvey's signed basketballs off its perch. Harvey didn't even notice.

Harvey got slowly to his feet, bracing himself on his desk as his legs shook.

"Donna…"

"Yes, Harvey. You've known me for twelve years. You should know by now my name is not Debbie."

He rounded the desk in her next heartbeat, his hands clutching her face as he pressed a desperate kiss to her mouth.

She'd waited years to feel his lips on hers again after that one night, she thought with a sigh, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. And of course she had to almost die before he'd loosen up enough to make another move.

He pressed her close to his body, desperate for the feel of her. He reared back to stare at her, his gaze searching out her every precious feature.

"You're late," he whispered.

"Sue me," she whispered back.

They smiled into each other's eyes.

"Dude, Donna, it's so fucking good to see you but um… Harvey. Everyone's staring," Mike said, taking a deep, shaky breath as his brain tried to process the events before him. But he could see everyone, from Jessica to the little weasels near his desk, staring with open fascination into Harvey Specter's office.

"I don't care. Get lost, kid," Harvey replied, never taking his eyes from Donna's.

Mike grinned. "Right. Later." He closed the door behind him but turned to watch the two people he thought of as family stare at each other.

"If this doesn't get them off their asses, nothing will," Rachel declared from beside him.

"No kidding. Hey… Rachel?" He turned to her and she looked at him with a questioning smile, too happy at the unexpected turn of events to still be angry with him.

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something. Can you meet me after work?"

She sighed, torn between wanting to stay angry and happiness at seeing her friend alive and well. Life was too short to hold on to grudges, she decided. "Sure."

Mike watched her walk away, then turned back to Harvey and Donna, who hadn't moved except for Harvey, to caress her  
golden red hair.

Harvey smiled down at her, a wide grin that Mike had never seen nor had thought to see on the face of Harvey Specter. A sober Harvey Specter, that is. The last time he'd seen that goofy smile on Harvey's face was when they'd gotten high together.

"They should really get a room," Lois muttered, but Mike saw the older lawyer's eyes twinkle as he fought to keep a stern look on his face.

Mike nudged him. "Aw, come on, you big softie. Let's go get a beer."

Lois stared at him. "A beer? Are you kidding me?"

Mike just smiled at him until Lois rolled his eyes. "All right, fine. But it better be imported."

Mike was too happy to give an eyeroll of his own. Today was a damn good day.

Ray met them a few minutes later, confused when the two of them met him with huge grins and hands linked. He hadn't heard the news about Donna's plane but he was too much of a professional to ask questions.

"Afternoon, sir, ma'am."

"Hello, Ray." Ray stared at Harvey's wide grin. He didn't think he'd ever seen this kind of smile on his boss's face.

"Tomorrow, you'll be taking me and Donna to Pearson Specter, Ray."

Ray  
beamed. "That's excellent, sir. The, uh, both of you?" he asked,  
clearing his throat and avoiding looking at their hands clasped  
together.

"That's right. Take us home, Ray." Harvey placed his hand on Donna's waist and eased her into the car.

"Right away, sir." Ray closed the door behind his boss. Things were changin, he thought. It was about damn time.

They didn't speak as they walked hand in hand up to Harvey's penthouse suite. When the door closed behind them, Harvey turned to stare at her. She leaned back against the door and stared back. As usual, words weren't necessary between them. They said everything with their eyes.

But sometimes, while words were never really necessary between them, they were wanted. Desperately needed to soothe an ache that had festered for twelve years.

"I almost lost you today. For good. Forever. I always thought… I always knew that you would follow me almost anywhere. I  
always knew—was afraid—that I would follow you almost anywhere, too. Today was no different. I would have followed you, Donna."

She swallowed her own tears. She hadn't seen him look like this since she'd told him about his father.

"I'm alive, Harvey. I'm here."

She kept her back against the door as he approached her.

"We did it. We did everything we set out to do. I have all I've ever wanted… except you. I mean, I have you…" He cupped her face in his hands. "I've always had you and maybe that's why it was so easy—relatively, anyway—to let things slide, to not talk about that one night and not let myself be jealous of the men in your life, because I knew I would always be more important. I knew I would always win. It was so easy to just play the field when I knew no one would ever mean what you mean to me. When I knew I would always have the best parts of you." He put his forehead against hers. "It's not enough. I'm a selfish  
bastard and I want everything. I want all of you. I'll do whatever it takes to have you so—"

"Harvey? Will you just shut the hell up and kiss me already? How do you manage to get laid so often when all you do is yammer—"

Her smirking mouth was shut promptly with his lips.

They chuckled as they stumbled to the bedroom and as he tumbled her down to his wide bed, he propped himself over her.

"I love you," he said after swallowing hard.

"Duh."

They exchanged smiles and he gave her a nudge. "Your turn," he said sternly.

She huffed out a breath but her eyes smiled at him. "I love you, Harvey. Not like a brother or a cousin. Because… well, considering our current position, this is New York, not Alabama."

"Damn right." His mouth met hers gently, savoring the feel and taste of her. So familiar and yet so new. This was Donna. His Donna.

And now he had everything he'd ever wanted.


End file.
